Photo © Adam Kennedy
The blog’s a bit overdue, right?
I’ve been lost for words lately, and definitely not myself - or completely myself - I can never quite be sure...
As a band we’ve got a new single and video on the way, a debut EP, a European tour, limitless opportunities already lined up for next year and a growing following of loyal and dedicated supporters who want to hear our music and see us succeed. That’s gotta be the best feeling in the world, and genuinely something that surely anyone could only dream of? It’s certainly above and beyond anything I thought we would ever achieve - and we’re barely 18 months in...
In my personal life I have a home, a loving and supportive family, a career, and the most fulfilling relationship that I could ever ask for...and it came to me when I was least expecting it. I’m insanely lucky and I’m grateful everyday.
But for all of us, life has it’s ups and downs, and it hasn’t always been something to enjoy, or something that was even safe. For longer than I’d care to remember life felt like somewhat of an endurance, something that I just had to survive, so it makes no sense to me why sometimes I feel like I’m still stuck in that dark place when life is so good. I feel guilty for feeling that way, and I get frustrated with myself because I just don’t understand why I can’t control it...But I suppose these thing are sent to test us, and maybe it takes a little longer than you sometimes realise to learn the lesson.
More and more I’m finding myself slipping into old and really damaged habits, reliving things that I’d much rather forget, apologising to everyone for everything, avoiding everything and everyone for fear of being criticised or disliked - convincing myself that this is what people are thinking anyway, never feeling like my best is enough in any single way because I’m terrified that this life that I adore and all of the people in it are going to get snatched away in a moment. Feeling safe and truly happy has turned out to be one of the most frightening and challenging things I’ve ever felt; and that feels even more crazy when I see it written down. But I’m owning it, and slowly it’s getting better.
Lyrically, being able to share more of myself is a scary yet liberating process; it’s creating a much darker undertone to our music, but it’s turning into the best form of therapy for me on so many levels - so while it’s sometimes really hard, and something that I will rarely ever talk about; I’d like to thank each and every one you for being part of it...because it’s helping me in more ways than you’ll ever know.
Life moves really quickly and it changes in a heartbeat...Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always for a reason, and I guess I’m learning just to live in the moment and to trust each day as it comes. ‘The Shadowman EP’ is the first step.
So before we embark on this next chapter - I just want to say thank you again, and that I hope you’re gunna stick with us for a while longer yet, because for now we’re still keeping the best to ourselves.
P.S. Since writing this blog we have learned that the European Tour with Diamond Head is off, gone, kaputt!!!! All thanks to what appears to be 'Tax Irregularities" of our agent in Germany. Raz and Karl from Diamond Head have been amazing though all the upheaval, bearing in mind this is NOT their fault. But what has left us stunned and humbled is the unbelievable support from YOU. We do not have the words to thank you, just know that we will be back, stronger and more dedicated than ever, we will be along to every region in the UK and EUROPE to say thank you personally.
STRENGTH DEDICATION HUMILITY MUSIC